Here it is my second (a probably final) submission to the NYC Midnight Flash Fiction Challenge. There are so many amazing submitted stories I have read, that I will be extremely surprised if I reach the finals. However I have enjoyed the challenge immensely, even if I have felt like tearing my hair out at times. Here is the Judges feedback from my first submission (Round 1) :-
WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY - The crying girl is a curious and intriguing element. Vivid description adds to realism. The walls of literature closing in are frightening and add to the suspense. Your story had a good pace. You were able to set the scene well. I also liked your final paragraph (the ending).
WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK - Questions remain at the end of the piece. Who was the little girl? What was the purpose of the old man? He seemed ignorant of the protagonist's fate. Why was Harper killed? The dialogue between Charles and Harper could be better developed. You could have highlighted their personalities, thoughts, and suspicions more through their dialogue.
Anyway back to Round 2 - My (extremely random) prompts for this story were as follows:-
- Genre: Romantic Comedy
- Location: A Nuclear Power Plant
- Object: A Jar of Honey
Hinkley Honey
Penny arrived at Hinkley Point ten minutes before the agreed time. There were no other cars on the road and no sign of life. To the left of Penny was the countryside, stretching before her like a giant quilt of golden and green squares held together by the thick stitching of hedgerows. It rose and fell like giant waves on a gentle ocean, sprinkled with farm animals. Occasionally there was a cluster of deciduous trees that separated the fields. Penny envisaged vehemently protesting and afterwards ambling through pastures, hand in hand with Bob as they found a secluded clearing and sampled the picnic she had lovingly prepared. What could possibly go wrong today?
To her right was the imposing Hinkley Point. It was vast with geometric angles in complete contrast against the greens, blues and golden lights of the trees, water and sky. Penny was unconsciously drawn to the structure existing in the periphery of her vision. Where were the protestors? Where was Bob?
Penny checked her appearance in the mirror and groaned. The reflection revealed that this morning’s coiffured up-do now resembled a bird's nest. She cursed her undisciplined mane, zealously pulling clips to release the unruly curls which eagerly sprang loose.
Leaving the car armed only with her placard and hamper she searched for fellow-protesters. Penny broached the secure perimeter of Hinkley Point, gazing apprehensively at cautionary signs displaying the hazardous environment contained within. Turning, Penny absorbed the rolling landscape and began to understand Bob’s enmity.
“Hello can I help you?” Penny turned, startled.
“Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t see you there. Are you joining us today? My name is Penelope, but everybody calls me Penny,” she balanced the hamper precariously on her hip and thrust out her hand.
Taking her hand in his, he smiled. “Hello Penny, I am David and it’s a pleasure to meet you, however I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Penny stared at him confused, digesting his gawky demeanour, thick rimmed glasses and wild curls, not too dissimilar to her own. “Friends against Fracking? Hinkley Community Hall?” she questioned.
“No, sorry” David replied shaking his head.
Penny proceeded to proudly hold up her placard “DON'T FRACK WITH ME”, smiling expectantly at David.
David glanced at Penny quizzically “do you know what fracking is?”
“Of course I do” she insisted, dangerously swinging her placard gesturing “it’s digging up our beautiful countryside, polluting our water, destroying our earth” she tried to deliver as passionately as Bob, but it appeared to fall flat.
“Hmmm it is Penny, you’re right. So why are you stood at a Nuclear Power Plant?”
“Bob said this is where we were to meet” Penny delved into the depth of her memory. Had she got it wrong? Was she too busy watching Bob rather than listening to him?
David studied her confused expression “I can assure you there is no fracking intended here or anywhere in the vicinity, what you see over there will remain as it is, nobody is digging or polluting the water. Not on my watch. I am senior operator here and if there was any intended fracking, I would know about it.”
Penny shrank to the floor “oh god, I am such a fool, such a stupid fool” without warning tears began to swell in her heavily mascaraed eyes.
“Hey, now don’t say that. What’s in there?” he nodded toward the hamper.
“It’s a picnic, for Bob and me” she whispered.
“Bob is your boyfriend?”
“Humph, that was the plan” she said, more to herself rather than David.
“It seems such a shame to let this go to waste Penny, I don’t know about you but I haven’t had chance to eat. I have been here all night, I am ravenous.”
Penny looked at David, he was actually rather handsome in a mad scientist kind of way and beyond the thick rimmed lenses he had the bluest eyes. She returned his smile and sitting cross-legged proudly opened her beloved basket.
“Wow” said David, going straight for the jar of honey and holding it up “Bob must be a special someone?”
Penny shrugged “I did think so.”
“So, what is so wonderful about Bob, that you bring him honey?” David winked.
Penny giggled “I know I am pathetic, desperately looking for love” She leaned toward David “can I let you in on a little secret?”
“I would be disappointed if you didn't”
Penny looked around as though checking for eavesdroppers. “When I went to my first meeting of Friends against Fracking, I actually thought I was attending speed dating, I got the date wrong.” Penny let out a smothered snort.
“What on earth is speed dating?”
“Exactly what it says, you meet lots of potential dates, but only have three minutes to chat before you move on to the next one” Penny pronounced.
“Well if that’s the case I have spent my entire life speed dating. Not many of my dates last beyond the first hello.” he confided.
“Yeah me too” Penny agreed. “What do you think we are doing wrong?”
“Perhaps trying too hard? Love should be unexpected, random, suddenly appearing when you least expect it.” David leant forward and tucked a stray curl behind Penny’s perfect pixie ear.
Covering his hand with hers she looked at him intently “I know what you mean.”
David pulled Penny up from the ground. “Forget about Bob, forget about fracking, let’s take this picnic, your wonderful jar of honey and go and explore the countryside.”
Penny smiled an illuminous smile. “Let me lose the placard and I’m all yours” she turned to the car, her auburn curls bouncing in the breeze. David looked on longingly and took the phone from his jeans pocket. Keeping one eye on Penny and one on his phone, he fired off a quick text “She is wonderful, thanks Bob.”
“Ready?” asked Penny.
Returning the phone to his pocket, he took her hand, lifted the hamper, kissing her gently on her lips he smiled, “ready.”
Hayley Mars
